When life gets in the way …

When life gets in the way …

I started this blog with the intentions of writing a post every day or every couple of days hahahaha I was so naive!

Although its great to get all your thoughts out, it can be a little disheartening when you know that no one is really reading them. Its also harder than I thought to find the time to write, working full time with 2 kids doesn’t leave much time for anything let alone writing a blog.

Even when you have some extra time, it always seems best to use it wisely, with spring coming in, I have been using my extra time to clear some cupboards, clear out old clothes for the charity shop and generally everything else except writing here.

In terms of my own life, I have had a new diagnosis of Body Dysmorphia. I’ve not started my CBT treatment yet but it makes sense to how I’ve felt about my body for a long time.

I suppose that is another new journey I will be able to blog about as I start my treatment. I’ve always been quite a private person and no one really knows about my new diagnosis. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it all yet or what people will think if I tell them about it.

Its strange if you have a sore leg you would see your DR and probably be quite open about it with family and friends, yet if you are having problems with your mind, you feel like you can’t tell anyone in fear of what they will think. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, so why do we as a society make it so hard to talk about?

Hopefully I’ll get back to writing more regularly and can update others on my new journey.

X

 

“Confidence is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear” Great, where can I buy it?

“Confidence is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear” Great, where can I buy it?

Confidence is one of those double sided swords. If you have too much, people say you “love yourself” and you’re  vain but if you don’t have any at all, people moan that there’s so much to be confident about and that you’ve just to see what everyone else can see about you.

I would say that my siblings and I were brought up with the idea if you had too much confidence that you loved yourself  or were “forward”. I don’t think my mum thought about how this might affect us or that it was even intentional, she probably just didn’t know any better. I think this had an effect on me and I’ve lived most of my life with low confidence.

Like most women I have parts of me I really don’t like, I’m my own worst critic.  No matter how many people compliment me on my clothes, my looks, my figure, my hair. I still feel the same way. I just can’t see what other people tell me I should be able to. If someone compliments me, it gives me a reason to diss myself even more, its like a natural reaction.

  • “Oh I like you hair” Me “It really needs coloured and washed”
  • “That’s a lovely top” Me “I’ve had it for years, it was only £3”
  • “You’re looking well” Me “I’m tired, dark circles under my eyes”

I think self confidence comes from within, but I think now we live in a generation where its even harder to come by. Everywhere I look there are images of what we should buy, what hobbies we should have, what we should wear, what perfumes we should use and the list goes on. Who sells us these products … well of course its the people with the most beautiful faces, the most amazing figures, the best hair, nicest nails. What we tend to forget is that these people are models and sometimes even with their perfect face and slender figures, they will be photo shopped.

Personally, I feel social media only adds to this confidence problem. We see our “friends” post the perfect family portraits, the fabulous holiday snaps and them in their gym gear ready for their second work out of the day. I usually see these posts as I’m sitting on the couch in my pj’s wasting the day scrolling through other peoples lives.

Its quite sad to admit that one minute I’m looking at someones pictures and before I know it I’ve found myself in their cousins, friends wedding album. Its actually quite worrying how much people put out there for all to see (which is probably a topic for another post).

However how do we become more confident? Its certainly not as easy as it sounds. I’ve  written 3 points that I think might help (I’ll remember to let you know how that goes):

  1. Stop scrolling through social media/magazines etc comparing my self to others – How will I ever learn to love myself, if I’m constantly comparing myself to others and their lives?  Especially when those “lives” probably aren’t even realistic. No one posts the bad hair days, the skin breakout days, the photos of the kids fighting or the the fact you and the hubby haven’t spoken since yesterday. We choose to share what we want people to see.  So that has to stop.
  2. Do more for myself –  Spend a bit of time on ME! Whether that be pampering myself, reading a book I like or even learning a new hobby or just writing new blog posts. We could use the time we would normally waste on scrolling through social media to actually be productive, imagine that! Being more productive should give you a sense of achievement and encourage you to do more.
  3. Think Positive, Relax, drink more water and try get a decent sleep – Ok, that’s really 4 points rolled into 1, but even if they don’t do much else, your mind should be clearer!

If none of the above works, you could always try the good old “fake it, till you make it” mantra. Maybe if we just pretend we are really confident, it will eventually become embedded?

 

 

 

A Parent of Two – One pink, One Blue!

A Parent of Two – One pink, One Blue!

I have two children, am I an expert on children? No .. there is so much conflicting guidance out there that I’m pretty sure no one could consider themselves an expert.

To me it doesn’t matter how you became a mother, if you have kids then we are all on the same side! I don’t care if (and this list isn’t exhaustive) :

  • You had a vaginal delivery with no drugs
  • You had a vaginal delivery but took every drug going
  • You had a c-section while you were still awake
  • You had a c-section but were knocked out for the full thing
  • You had a surrogate carry your baby
  • You adopted your children
  • You fostered your children
  • You didn’t have kids of your own but met a man who did, so your now a step mum.

We are all still MOTHERS  regardless how we got there.

I see these posts being shared on social media from time to time “women shame other women who had c-sections”. Maybe I live a sheltered life but I’ve NEVER heard another woman say a c-section was the easy way out! If anything I’m pretty sure most mothers would agree that a natural birth is tough but at least afterwards you are pretty much back on your feet. A c-section is an operation, its a scar, its painful, its downtime. In my opinion,  c-section mothers should get a massive pat on the back! They not only go through the pregnancy (and the labour sometimes) they then require the operation. Once all the drugs wear off they then have to deal with the after effects of the c-section for weeks, sometimes months later. That on top of sore leaking boobs, crazy hormones, the general tiredness .. I don’t know how they cope. Well done to you all, you are heroes!

Then there is the breast feeding versus bottle feeding debate. I don’t care how you feed your baby, as long as your doing it. Some people don’t realise that breast feeding isn’t for everyone, some women’s bodies just cant do it, for others they can but its too painful, sometimes they can’t get the baby to feed or its just not working out for them. The science is there to say breast is best, but bottle feeding doesn’t make you a bad mum.

When you’ve just had a baby, your hormones are crazy, your laughing. your happy, your in love with this new bundle of joy and your crying, yes for absolutely no reason at all. The last thing a woman needs at this time in her life is to be made to feel like she can’t do right for doing wrong.

I thought I would list some of my confessions, which will show you that we aren’t all perfect mothers and we sometimes do things to make life easier, it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother.

  • I bottle fed my 2 kids .. they’re healthy and thriving, imagine that 🙂
  • I fed my kids out of jars, not home made purees everyday and guess what they loved it!
  • I let my youngest sleep in her car seat for longer than the recommended 2 hours as she had been up all night. She needed the sleep and I needed the sanity.
  • I’ve had days where my children have sat and watched children’s TV for hours on end in their pjs!
  • I’ve even let my oldest play computer games meant for older children (talk about living on the wild side)

People might not admit it but we all do things just to get through the day sometimes, we aren’t all perfect parents. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

As a mother, take each day as it comes, do what you feel is right. I’m sure you will make the best choices for YOU and YOUR baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel inadequate or tell you everything your doing is wrong. Mum’s know best after all 🙂

Even if no one else ever says it to you .. I think you’re a fantastic mum and your doing a grand job.

X

A Letter To My Old Best Friend

A Letter To My Old Best Friend

To Sarah,

We’ve been through a lot together. The ups, the downs, the pregnancy’s, the awful boyfriends, the moaning mums! No matter what was going on, we would always catch up. Sometimes we would see each other a few times a week, sometimes it would be a couple of months if we had both been busy but there would always be the texts and the odd call in between.

When we reached our late teens, our lives started to go different ways. You always had boyfriends, usually when one relationship finished, you were right into another one. While you were sitting in with a boyfriend, I was out partying with other friends and enjoying life. Then it flipped, I fell pregnant unexpectedly and then had a house, a partner and a baby to look after and for the first time for as long as I could remember you were single. You met other friends and you were the one out partying, it was good to see you enjoying life just pretty rubbish timing. I often wished we had both enjoyed the nights out and single days together.

Even though our lives were forever changing, we stayed friends.

The say to have a good friend, you have to be one. I tried my best. If you needed me, I was there, if you needed to borrow money or clothes, I offered. If you needed someone to go somewhere with you, I went. You could tell me anything and I wouldn’t have told a soul. If I had to drop everything for you, I would have done it without thinking twice.

Unfortunately you weren’t really there for me. If I phoned you, it would go unanswered even though you were ALWAYS on your phone! You wouldn’t have dropped anything for me, especially if you had a boyfriend. They always came first and I knew that.

I remember one year for my birthday you had said you couldn’t buy me anything because you were really skint. I didn’t mind (lets face it most of my birthdays had came and went without being acknowledged, even the milestone ones). The next week, you had said you had been out with a guy a few times and it was his birthday, you didn’t know what you should buy him as it had only been a few dates and it all seemed a bit new. In the end you opted for a £250 designer watch.

You bought a guy you had only known a week or so a £250 watch, but had told your best friend that you couldn’t buy her a birthday present. Just let that sink in.

To me it wasn’t even about a birthday present, it really said a lot about you as a friend.

I think maybe our friendship became more of a habit that anything.

When I had my kids, you never visited at the hospital, you never seemed excited to see them, in fact I’m pretty sure they were both weeks old before you seen them (which seems strange when I look back now). When I graduated from uni, passed my driving test, got a new home, got engaged, got married .. there was never any acknowledgement from you. My Birthdays always came and went, I never got so much as a card.

When it was your birthday I’d go through our photos from over the years and make you a nice collage. When you had told me you were pregnant, I sat and listened to your worries and fears. If you had a problem I tried to give you advice. Then you were moving into your first flat. I offered to help move stuff, come round and clean up, just do anything I could to make it easier for you. Then you had your baby. I was watching my phone all night for updates. I was dying to meet him, I brought his gift round right away so I could give you a wee cuddle for doing so well and then have a cuddle with him. When you got engaged I squealed out loud, I was so glad you were happy and that it was all working out for you.

I was so excited for all these lovely things because your my friend and your happiness means a lot to me.

However I have learned the hard way that I just don’t mean as much to you.

In the last year I’ve hardly seen you at all, in fact I’ve hardly even heard from you. There’s been so many times I’ve needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on and you’ve not been there. I text you and we arrange to meet up and then the date comes and goes and its not happened. I feel really sad because we have been friends for sooo long but a friendship can’t be one sided. For the first time in our lives we have so much in common (our own houses, kids, partners and full time jobs) yet it seems to have drove us apart.

I think we both know that our friendship has come to the end of the road. It shouldn’t be so hard for two good friends to meet up or even just keep in touch. I’m not asking for all of your time, I know we are busy and sometimes other things take priority but it doesn’t take long to reply to a text or give me a quick call on your lunch break.

Maybe its true when they say you never lose a friend, you just realised you never had one..

I wish you nothing but the best in life, take care.

X

 

The Scenic Route

The Scenic Route

As I sit here, I look back over the years and how quickly time has gone by! I look at my little photo from play group,  its one of the few photos I have (I was the second child who cried a lot according to my mum so there wasn’t a lot of photo opportunities). I look young, innocent and I had my whole life ahead of me. I was always told at school I was clever I was in the top groups for reading, writing and maths, so its no surprise that when I reached about 10 years old I had big ideas. I was going to be the clever career woman who would travel the world and eventually meet a perfect man, get married, have 2 kids then live happily ever after .

As the years went on, I was on course for fulfilling my dreams, I done well at school and got accepted to university at 17 years old.

When I was 17, I was still very young looking. I didn’t look old enough to get in to the clubs so I used to use a friends older sisters ID (who I’m not even sure I resembled) and I would pretend that I was older, I always said that I was 19 as that seemed a cool age and I would memorise my fake date of birth.

When I did eventually turn 19, I started to think 23 would be an amazing age. I think at the time I was looking up to people who were that age and they seemed to have a pretty good life.

Then my 23rd birthday came and went. By that time, my life certainly wasn’t turning out as I had planned. I was a mother of a 2 year old child, I was in an abusive relationship that I had no intentions of leaving. People always question why women don’t leave abusive relationships. I’m actually embarrassed now when I think of my  reasons for not leaving .. I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to be another statistic, another “single mother” and I couldn’t bare the thought of  disappointing my family. How sad is that, I worried so much about what other people would think, that I spent what should have been the best years of my life, really unhappy. None of those people had to walk in my shoes, so why did I really care what they thought? Anyway, in my unhappy life my new focus became age 27. I decided that would be the age that my life would be sorted out.

By 27 I wasn’t doing too badly at all. I had left the abusive relationship, I was settled in my life as a “single mother” and I was happy for the first time in years, I was settled with my child, my job and just enjoying the simpleness of life.

I realised after that that I didn’t have another age that I thought would be good. Maybe because my next milestone would be 30 and people have the idea that after 30 life goes down hill?

By the time I was 30 I was married and had another child. My 30th birthday was spent with my husband and kids, nothing extravagant but a lovely time with the people who matter most.

So as I look back, yeah maybe my life didn’t go as I had planned, but when I look at where I am now and what I’ve achieved, I think maybe I did get my dream but I just took the scenic route to get here.

 

X

 

 

 

Me, Myself and I

Me, Myself and I

I’m not by any means a popular person, I’m not famous, I’m not rich, in fact some days I’m not sure if I’m even liked but despite all that I’m a hardworking wife and mother of 2 children. I may not be famous or rich but to them I’m their world, the one who looks after them and protects them and that means the world to me.

My kids are my world, my main priority and I want to do my very best by them. Like most mothers I want them to be well rounded, respectful, clever and trust worthy but above all those things I really just want my kids to be HAPPY. Happiness sounds so simple and shouldn’t be hard but it’s something I’ve struggled with over the years and it’s my wish that my children don’t feel the same way. I’m not even sure if that’s something I can control because there is lots of things in life than can make you unhappy and I’ve been subjected to most, like crap friends who make you question why you are even friends with them, even crappier boyfriends who treat you like dirt and take away your self confidence and crappy jobs. I can fill you in on those in later posts 🙂 however I think that if I give them all the love I can, give them advice and always be there for them no matter what, then I might be able to help steer them through life’s trials and tribulations.

Then there is work, yes I want to work to use my brain and to have contact with other adults, although I’m pretty sure I could still do those things with a euro millions win but for now my 9-5 will have to suffice. I work for a public sector organisation so there’s always the threat of budget cuts and fewer jobs, however my role isn’t under much threat, the work is piling up, if anything we need more staff!

Since I’m the mother of 2 children and I work full time, there isn’t really much “spare” time. Someone asked me recently what my hobbies were. I felt a bit embarrassed to say I don’t have any ( I don’t really know where I would find the time or energy if I’m being brutally honest) but maybe that’s something I should work on. Maybe I should be doing more for “me”.

My “hobbies” include cleaning the house (I am a bit OCD at times), making dinners and ensuring everyone has clean ironed clothes to wear. Quite sad but I suppose that’s life when you have kids, jobs and no one willing to help babysit. I do try read when I get the chance. I have loved reading ever since I was a little girl. I only tend to read chick lit, to be honest its what I enjoy and I think when life can is stressful enough it’s good to read light, happy stories which can sometimes make me laugh out loud.  If anyone has any good recommendations for chick lit or other genres please let me know!

X

Everyone has a life, a story .. Here’s mine

Everyone has a life, a story .. Here’s mine

Well after toying with the idea of setting up a blog, I’ve finally done it! It’s the start of 2017, a “new year and new me” kinda mindset.

Now its the hard part .. Do I have enough to write about? Will people read it? Will people think “oh look at her trying to be better than everyone”? Will the internet trolls track me down and leave horrible comments? Well as with most things in life, I’ve decided I won’t know unless I try.

They say you should find your topic, your audience and your selling point to have a successful blog ..

To be honest I don’t have a topic, I don’t have amazing talents, I don’t have a unique selling point, god after reading that I’m probably not even an interesting person!

I’m just ME, I’m an average working mum, who over the years has been through a lot and I’ve decided this is the year I will do something for me. I decided I would like to start a blog.  I think as I write posts maybe an audience for my blog will become clearer but in the meantime it will be an outlet for all my thoughts and frustrations. I’ll write about my life (or lack of it sometimes) and generally whatever else pops into my mind.

So if you’re reading this then THANK YOU! Hopefully you will continue to follow me through my new journey of blogging! I hope you enjoy it.

 

X