When life gets in the way …

When life gets in the way …

I started this blog with the intentions of writing a post every day or every couple of days hahahaha I was so naive!

Although its great to get all your thoughts out, it can be a little disheartening when you know that no one is really reading them. Its also harder than I thought to find the time to write, working full time with 2 kids doesn’t leave much time for anything let alone writing a blog.

Even when you have some extra time, it always seems best to use it wisely, with spring coming in, I have been using my extra time to clear some cupboards, clear out old clothes for the charity shop and generally everything else except writing here.

In terms of my own life, I have had a new diagnosis of Body Dysmorphia. I’ve not started my CBT treatment yet but it makes sense to how I’ve felt about my body for a long time.

I suppose that is another new journey I will be able to blog about as I start my treatment. I’ve always been quite a private person and no one really knows about my new diagnosis. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it all yet or what people will think if I tell them about it.

Its strange if you have a sore leg you would see your DR and probably be quite open about it with family and friends, yet if you are having problems with your mind, you feel like you can’t tell anyone in fear of what they will think. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, so why do we as a society make it so hard to talk about?

Hopefully I’ll get back to writing more regularly and can update others on my new journey.

X

 

A Letter To My Old Best Friend

A Letter To My Old Best Friend

To Sarah,

We’ve been through a lot together. The ups, the downs, the pregnancy’s, the awful boyfriends, the moaning mums! No matter what was going on, we would always catch up. Sometimes we would see each other a few times a week, sometimes it would be a couple of months if we had both been busy but there would always be the texts and the odd call in between.

When we reached our late teens, our lives started to go different ways. You always had boyfriends, usually when one relationship finished, you were right into another one. While you were sitting in with a boyfriend, I was out partying with other friends and enjoying life. Then it flipped, I fell pregnant unexpectedly and then had a house, a partner and a baby to look after and for the first time for as long as I could remember you were single. You met other friends and you were the one out partying, it was good to see you enjoying life just pretty rubbish timing. I often wished we had both enjoyed the nights out and single days together.

Even though our lives were forever changing, we stayed friends.

The say to have a good friend, you have to be one. I tried my best. If you needed me, I was there, if you needed to borrow money or clothes, I offered. If you needed someone to go somewhere with you, I went. You could tell me anything and I wouldn’t have told a soul. If I had to drop everything for you, I would have done it without thinking twice.

Unfortunately you weren’t really there for me. If I phoned you, it would go unanswered even though you were ALWAYS on your phone! You wouldn’t have dropped anything for me, especially if you had a boyfriend. They always came first and I knew that.

I remember one year for my birthday you had said you couldn’t buy me anything because you were really skint. I didn’t mind (lets face it most of my birthdays had came and went without being acknowledged, even the milestone ones). The next week, you had said you had been out with a guy a few times and it was his birthday, you didn’t know what you should buy him as it had only been a few dates and it all seemed a bit new. In the end you opted for a £250 designer watch.

You bought a guy you had only known a week or so a £250 watch, but had told your best friend that you couldn’t buy her a birthday present. Just let that sink in.

To me it wasn’t even about a birthday present, it really said a lot about you as a friend.

I think maybe our friendship became more of a habit that anything.

When I had my kids, you never visited at the hospital, you never seemed excited to see them, in fact I’m pretty sure they were both weeks old before you seen them (which seems strange when I look back now). When I graduated from uni, passed my driving test, got a new home, got engaged, got married .. there was never any acknowledgement from you. My Birthdays always came and went, I never got so much as a card.

When it was your birthday I’d go through our photos from over the years and make you a nice collage. When you had told me you were pregnant, I sat and listened to your worries and fears. If you had a problem I tried to give you advice. Then you were moving into your first flat. I offered to help move stuff, come round and clean up, just do anything I could to make it easier for you. Then you had your baby. I was watching my phone all night for updates. I was dying to meet him, I brought his gift round right away so I could give you a wee cuddle for doing so well and then have a cuddle with him. When you got engaged I squealed out loud, I was so glad you were happy and that it was all working out for you.

I was so excited for all these lovely things because your my friend and your happiness means a lot to me.

However I have learned the hard way that I just don’t mean as much to you.

In the last year I’ve hardly seen you at all, in fact I’ve hardly even heard from you. There’s been so many times I’ve needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on and you’ve not been there. I text you and we arrange to meet up and then the date comes and goes and its not happened. I feel really sad because we have been friends for sooo long but a friendship can’t be one sided. For the first time in our lives we have so much in common (our own houses, kids, partners and full time jobs) yet it seems to have drove us apart.

I think we both know that our friendship has come to the end of the road. It shouldn’t be so hard for two good friends to meet up or even just keep in touch. I’m not asking for all of your time, I know we are busy and sometimes other things take priority but it doesn’t take long to reply to a text or give me a quick call on your lunch break.

Maybe its true when they say you never lose a friend, you just realised you never had one..

I wish you nothing but the best in life, take care.

X

 

Everyone has a life, a story .. Here’s mine

Everyone has a life, a story .. Here’s mine

Well after toying with the idea of setting up a blog, I’ve finally done it! It’s the start of 2017, a “new year and new me” kinda mindset.

Now its the hard part .. Do I have enough to write about? Will people read it? Will people think “oh look at her trying to be better than everyone”? Will the internet trolls track me down and leave horrible comments? Well as with most things in life, I’ve decided I won’t know unless I try.

They say you should find your topic, your audience and your selling point to have a successful blog ..

To be honest I don’t have a topic, I don’t have amazing talents, I don’t have a unique selling point, god after reading that I’m probably not even an interesting person!

I’m just ME, I’m an average working mum, who over the years has been through a lot and I’ve decided this is the year I will do something for me. I decided I would like to start a blog.  I think as I write posts maybe an audience for my blog will become clearer but in the meantime it will be an outlet for all my thoughts and frustrations. I’ll write about my life (or lack of it sometimes) and generally whatever else pops into my mind.

So if you’re reading this then THANK YOU! Hopefully you will continue to follow me through my new journey of blogging! I hope you enjoy it.

 

X