Confidence is one of those double sided swords. If you have too much, people say you “love yourself” and you’re vain but if you don’t have any at all, people moan that there’s so much to be confident about and that you’ve just to see what everyone else can see about you.
I would say that my siblings and I were brought up with the idea if you had too much confidence that you loved yourself or were “forward”. I don’t think my mum thought about how this might affect us or that it was even intentional, she probably just didn’t know any better. I think this had an effect on me and I’ve lived most of my life with low confidence.
Like most women I have parts of me I really don’t like, I’m my own worst critic. No matter how many people compliment me on my clothes, my looks, my figure, my hair. I still feel the same way. I just can’t see what other people tell me I should be able to. If someone compliments me, it gives me a reason to diss myself even more, its like a natural reaction.
- “Oh I like you hair” Me “It really needs coloured and washed”
- “That’s a lovely top” Me “I’ve had it for years, it was only £3”
- “You’re looking well” Me “I’m tired, dark circles under my eyes”
I think self confidence comes from within, but I think now we live in a generation where its even harder to come by. Everywhere I look there are images of what we should buy, what hobbies we should have, what we should wear, what perfumes we should use and the list goes on. Who sells us these products … well of course its the people with the most beautiful faces, the most amazing figures, the best hair, nicest nails. What we tend to forget is that these people are models and sometimes even with their perfect face and slender figures, they will be photo shopped.
Personally, I feel social media only adds to this confidence problem. We see our “friends” post the perfect family portraits, the fabulous holiday snaps and them in their gym gear ready for their second work out of the day. I usually see these posts as I’m sitting on the couch in my pj’s wasting the day scrolling through other peoples lives.
Its quite sad to admit that one minute I’m looking at someones pictures and before I know it I’ve found myself in their cousins, friends wedding album. Its actually quite worrying how much people put out there for all to see (which is probably a topic for another post).
However how do we become more confident? Its certainly not as easy as it sounds. I’ve written 3 points that I think might help (I’ll remember to let you know how that goes):
- Stop scrolling through social media/magazines etc comparing my self to others – How will I ever learn to love myself, if I’m constantly comparing myself to others and their lives? Especially when those “lives” probably aren’t even realistic. No one posts the bad hair days, the skin breakout days, the photos of the kids fighting or the the fact you and the hubby haven’t spoken since yesterday. We choose to share what we want people to see. So that has to stop.
- Do more for myself – Spend a bit of time on ME! Whether that be pampering myself, reading a book I like or even learning a new hobby or just writing new blog posts. We could use the time we would normally waste on scrolling through social media to actually be productive, imagine that! Being more productive should give you a sense of achievement and encourage you to do more.
- Think Positive, Relax, drink more water and try get a decent sleep – Ok, that’s really 4 points rolled into 1, but even if they don’t do much else, your mind should be clearer!
If none of the above works, you could always try the good old “fake it, till you make it” mantra. Maybe if we just pretend we are really confident, it will eventually become embedded?