To Sarah,
We’ve been through a lot together. The ups, the downs, the pregnancy’s, the awful boyfriends, the moaning mums! No matter what was going on, we would always catch up. Sometimes we would see each other a few times a week, sometimes it would be a couple of months if we had both been busy but there would always be the texts and the odd call in between.
When we reached our late teens, our lives started to go different ways. You always had boyfriends, usually when one relationship finished, you were right into another one. While you were sitting in with a boyfriend, I was out partying with other friends and enjoying life. Then it flipped, I fell pregnant unexpectedly and then had a house, a partner and a baby to look after and for the first time for as long as I could remember you were single. You met other friends and you were the one out partying, it was good to see you enjoying life just pretty rubbish timing. I often wished we had both enjoyed the nights out and single days together.
Even though our lives were forever changing, we stayed friends.
The say to have a good friend, you have to be one. I tried my best. If you needed me, I was there, if you needed to borrow money or clothes, I offered. If you needed someone to go somewhere with you, I went. You could tell me anything and I wouldn’t have told a soul. If I had to drop everything for you, I would have done it without thinking twice.
Unfortunately you weren’t really there for me. If I phoned you, it would go unanswered even though you were ALWAYS on your phone! You wouldn’t have dropped anything for me, especially if you had a boyfriend. They always came first and I knew that.
I remember one year for my birthday you had said you couldn’t buy me anything because you were really skint. I didn’t mind (lets face it most of my birthdays had came and went without being acknowledged, even the milestone ones). The next week, you had said you had been out with a guy a few times and it was his birthday, you didn’t know what you should buy him as it had only been a few dates and it all seemed a bit new. In the end you opted for a £250 designer watch.
You bought a guy you had only known a week or so a £250 watch, but had told your best friend that you couldn’t buy her a birthday present. Just let that sink in.
To me it wasn’t even about a birthday present, it really said a lot about you as a friend.
I think maybe our friendship became more of a habit that anything.
When I had my kids, you never visited at the hospital, you never seemed excited to see them, in fact I’m pretty sure they were both weeks old before you seen them (which seems strange when I look back now). When I graduated from uni, passed my driving test, got a new home, got engaged, got married .. there was never any acknowledgement from you. My Birthdays always came and went, I never got so much as a card.
When it was your birthday I’d go through our photos from over the years and make you a nice collage. When you had told me you were pregnant, I sat and listened to your worries and fears. If you had a problem I tried to give you advice. Then you were moving into your first flat. I offered to help move stuff, come round and clean up, just do anything I could to make it easier for you. Then you had your baby. I was watching my phone all night for updates. I was dying to meet him, I brought his gift round right away so I could give you a wee cuddle for doing so well and then have a cuddle with him. When you got engaged I squealed out loud, I was so glad you were happy and that it was all working out for you.
I was so excited for all these lovely things because your my friend and your happiness means a lot to me.
However I have learned the hard way that I just don’t mean as much to you.
In the last year I’ve hardly seen you at all, in fact I’ve hardly even heard from you. There’s been so many times I’ve needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on and you’ve not been there. I text you and we arrange to meet up and then the date comes and goes and its not happened. I feel really sad because we have been friends for sooo long but a friendship can’t be one sided. For the first time in our lives we have so much in common (our own houses, kids, partners and full time jobs) yet it seems to have drove us apart.
I think we both know that our friendship has come to the end of the road. It shouldn’t be so hard for two good friends to meet up or even just keep in touch. I’m not asking for all of your time, I know we are busy and sometimes other things take priority but it doesn’t take long to reply to a text or give me a quick call on your lunch break.
Maybe its true when they say you never lose a friend, you just realised you never had one..
I wish you nothing but the best in life, take care.
X
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